最美的秋天

雀跃只需要树上的点点红、点点黄、点点橙。心跳只须要干燥数月后的温润秋雨带来的气息。这是最美的秋天。

 

The Most Beautiful Fall

Dots of red, yellow, and orange in trees elicits happy jumps easily. The smell from the warm fall rain after several dry months fastens heart beats without efforts. This is the most beautiful fall.   

 

梦想成真

          母亲去世前回光返照的几个月我几乎每天与她视频，之前两地分离时每周至少一个电话。母亲2018年三月撒手人寰后，我时时念叨着要是能再跟她通话就好了。没想到去年夏天梦想成真。

          我记得是很明丽的夏日清晨，我一本书一本书整理，一页一页拍照。突然一张卡片从书里掉落到地上，捡起卡片，竟是母亲的字迹：“我们于2009年7月19日上午11点半到美国列克星顿市，至今已有10天，再过20天我们又要回中国去了。路上非常辛苦，主要是转机时太困难。在这里很好。美国空气好、树好、草苹好、公路好。只是柏青每日都要为我们准备三餐安排活动。她太累了，那天她竟然病了，我很担心。”不禁潸然泪下。

          九月十日是中国的教师节，今年的九月十一日是美国恐怖袭击二十周年。

          时势和家事仍然影响着每个人。母亲的培育方方面面：德智体美劳。母亲家事公事一样没少操劳。母亲更是为国事担心尽力。母亲少女时的日记披露她对照父辈勤于检视自身问题的思考。除了母亲，已经辞世的师长甚至年龄比我小的人都用自己的奉献和生命为我们的世界递送着希望和光明。

          Dr. Donnermeyer在农村犯罪学前言里写到，当我们种种的努力换来的是几十年如一日的坏消息时，似乎唯一能做的是对新闻不闻不问。我理解由于希望带来的失望。当我再打开新闻时，我听到了一则关于放弃高位甘于做公益的报道。

 

Dreams Came True

          I video chatted with my mother almost every day during the few months before she passed way. She seemed to do well. For most of the time we were living apart, I called home at least once a week. I dreamed of talking with my mother one more time after she died in March 2018. To my surprise, my dream came true last summer.

          I remember it was a bright and beautiful morning. I sorted out my books by taking picture of each page. Suddenly a card stuck in a book fell onto the floor. On the card, mother’s handwriting read, “We arrived in Lexington at 11:30am on July the 19^th, 2009. We have been here for ten days and will fly back to China in 20 days. It was a difficult trip due to flight connections. It is great here. In the U.S., everything is good: the air, trees, lawns, and roads. The only thing is that my daughter has to prepare three meals and arrange activities for us every day. She was so tired that she fell ill the other day. I was worried.” Tears rolled down from my eyes.

          In China, September the 10^th is teacher’s day. In the U.S., this year’s September 11^th marks the 20^th anniversary of the terrorist attack.

          We are all influenced by events in the society and at home. My mother cultivated every aspect of the younger generation’s development: ethics, knowledge, sports, aesthetics, and work. My mother took care of her job and family. She also paid attention to social issues. In her journal, she critiqued herself by comparing with the generation before her when she grew. Other mentors and role models (who are older and younger than me) also have given hope and light to this world with their dedication and lives.

          In the preface of Rural Criminology, Dr. Donnermeyer states that turning off bad news we had had several decades in a row despite all efforts seemed to be the only solution. I understand the disappointment from hope. When I turned on the news, it was about a non-profit whose founder gave up a well paying job to create the organization.

 

Space and Togetherness

I had a wonderful time at the Poetic Justice session of Society for the Study of Social Problems. I listened to many powerful poems and got to read mine. The online community for an hour was lively with hope for social justice. If we divide space into online and offline, the offline space can also create a sense of togetherness. When we gather, because of body movement and/or vocal effect, a feeling of oneness that is larger than each individual is very powerful, which is well documented by sociologists. I guess the space where people meet, online or offline, are meant to create something higher and more positive than each of us can achieve on our own. THAT  is a great source of strength and pride. 

聚合

社会问题研究学会的线上会议收尾场以诗论社会正义，好诗连连，令人振奋。我也以诗会友，一个小时的聚会充满了对未来的希望。如果把空间分为线上和线下，线下聚会同样可以带来共振。正如社会学家所述，由于肢体与他人同动互动我们会感受到大于每个个体的集体感召力。这大概是因为线上和线下空间都是用来创造个体无法达到的高度和正能量。聚合是我们力量和骄傲的驱动力

So Short, So Long

To Barbara, In Memory of Daniel

 

A life lost in its prime is so short.

A life touching others’ with kindness

Is so long.

 

The conversation was so short.

The joy and warmth lasted so long.

 

A happy lark bounced about on the lush lawn.

Some modest crows bathed away from sight.

Kitten’s friends,

Messengers of life

Visited briefly on a bright summer afternoon.

A green river in shade

Rippled to an endless destination.

 

短与长：纪念丹尼

-致献芭芭拉

 

短暂的生命

数不清的善行义举。

 

一面之交

生命的欢乐和温暖

久久萦绕心扉。

向善欢歌的云雀

在油绿的草坪上蹦跳。

目不及处

内敛的乌鸦淋水沐浴。

这些生命的信使，猫儿的伴侣

在这个刺目的夏日午后匆匆造访。

浓荫下的绿色河流

泛着涟漪涌向无边的尽头。

 

 

Watching Frozen II

What do I wake up for?

Kitty’s kisses, fresh air, and Frozen II.

It speaks a simple truth:

Kindness and love,

 Who can survive without those?

观冰雪奇缘续集

为什麽要醒来？

猫咪的小刺吻、新鲜的空气

还有冰雪奇缘续集

讲着善良和爱的故事。

没有善良和爱

拿什么生存？

 

书的魅力

2020年的沉重历史感地球村的每个人都感受到了，但是有一个亮点不能不提：美国和中国的读书量都上升了。我只看到这两个国家的数字，想来世界各地的人都感受到了书的魅力。我一向爱书，也知道以文字为职业是令人兴奋的事，因为总有人比你聪明，进步是没有极限的。更何况当大家为了一个光明的事业共同努力时，那种踏实感很真实。所以再次把我2019年底出版的书呈现给大家。虽然是书海里最小的一朵花，映衬在花海下也给这个美丽的季节添一份鲜活。所以也要借其他著作者一点光，与拙作一起列举如下。疫情终将过去，希望与我们永在。

The Beauty of Reading

        Everyone in the global village had experienced the unbearable historical weight of 2020, but there is good news from the year: the amount of reading increased in the U.S. and China. I only have such figures from these two countries although people all over the world must have been charmed by books and readings as well. I have loved reading and understood my career revolving around writing is exciting, because improvement is infinite when there are always people brighter than me. Besides, when everyone lends a helping hand to a cause for a brighter future, it feels real. For these reasons, I am presenting my book published at the end of 2019 to readers again. As the smallest flower in the sea of books, I hope it adds some vitality to this beautiful season by borrowing the light from the illuminating works of others. The pandemic is ending one way or another. Hope is always with us and will always be.   

          

1.      张柏青(Cynthia Baiqing Zhang)。《身份与社会网络：旅美中国硕博研究生》（Identity and Social Networks: A Case of Chinese Graduate Students in the United States）https://rowman.com/ISBN/9781498546584/Identity-and-Social-Networks-A-Case-of-Chinese-Graduate-Students-in-the-United-States

2.      Yingyi Ma. Ambitious and Anxious: How Chinese College Students Succeed and Struggle in American Higher Education 

https://www.amazon.com/Ambitious-Anxious-Students-Struggle-Educationebook/dp/B07RG84NJM/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=yingyi+ma&qid=1620968409&sr=8-1

3.      Peter J. Burke. Contemporary Social Psychological Theories. https://www.sup.org/books/title/?id=29293

4.      Jan E. Stets and Richard T. Serpe. New Directions in Identity Theory and Research. https://www.amazon.com/New-Directions-Identity-Theory-Research/dp/0190457538/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=new+directions+in+identity+theory+and+research&qid=1620968722&sr=8-2

Identity in Everyday Life.

https://www.amazon.com/Identities-Everyday-Life-Jan-Stets/dp/019087306X/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=identity+in+everyday+life&qid=1620968849&sr=8-6

 

Beautiful Scar

Here is a flower for you:

Transparent stems and soft-colored petals.

It has your look and fragrance.

 

There is a breeze in the valley.

Fishing boats float on the river.

A silver fish jumps out water.

Calves stumbled along

After their mothers.

 

A beautiful March afternoon

Speaks its thoughts of you.

A bald eagle soars.

It is you:

Lives lost and marked with

A most lucky and unlucky number.

 

May all flowers please you,

May all kindness  

Comfort this beautiful scar.

 

This beautiful scar.

This beautiful country.

This beautiful world.

This beautiful life.

And all those we have lost.

 

美丽伤疤

请笑纳这鲜花：

通透的花茎、色泽柔和的花瓣。

它有着你的样貌、散发着你的气息。

 

山谷里一丝和风吹送。

河流上钓鱼的小船。

跃出水面的银色鱼儿。

还有步履蹒跚的小牛。

 

美丽的三月午后

所思所想都是你。

白头鹰展翅升腾，

它就是你：

逝去的生命

无法用数字代表，

不能用世俗捆绑。

 

愿鲜花换你笑颜。

愿人们的善良抚慰这

美丽的伤疤。

 

这是美丽的伤疤。

这是个美丽的国家。

这是个美丽的世界。

这是个美丽的人生。

不管多麽不舍，

那麽多的生命我们终究没能挽留。

 

 

          三月份是母亲和外祖母的三周年祭，虽然时间紧迫，还是停下了脚步。美国的疫情明显好转，然而很多人失去了亲人，有时短时间内好几位，我可以想见他们生活的困境。不止美国，各地都有。希望我的哀思能够分担他们的忧伤。        

          外祖母和母亲的共同点是无私，对社会如此，对家人也是一样。外祖母年轻时经历了战争年代，心胸很开阔。母亲年轻时致力于为他人奉献，老年仍乐此不疲。我去年写过外祖母的育儿理念，今年就写写母亲。

          母亲是我的第一个英语老师，为了我能够努力学习，还请了其他同学跟我一起学习。我记得跟小伙伴一起玩耍的快乐，也记得成绩落在小伙伴之后的尴尬。最怕母亲说，“咱们聊聊。”母亲轻声细语的讲道理常常让我只好低头认错，再努力。当然有时我从一个孩童的角度并不同意母亲的教导，母亲也会耐心地听我反驳矫正自己的信息反馈。我知道母亲在学生中的威信，听说过学生们一听张校长来了，马上好好表现。我也知道母亲为了管理学生读了很多心理书籍，做行政的同时也并没有放下教学。

          我成年后母亲的身体状况并不好，我与母亲仅有的一次争吵让我体会到她的脆弱，对她心生怜爱。但是母亲却仍然身体力行为后代立榜样。我之前提到王立礼老师把我带进了环保的大门，母亲也是很热情地支持王老师的提议。有一天跟母亲步行到居住小区外新建的观鱼池，几条刚放养的金鱼活泼泼地在池里游走。一个十几岁的小男孩突然伸手开始抓鱼。母亲疾步上前阻止，并训斥了他。我有些担心母亲，也对她油然而生敬爱。

          当我看着又生绿意的山峦、雪野上成群的麋鹿时感到更多的是希望：希望来年更好，希望灾难性极寒天气不再来访，希望我没有让外祖母和母亲失望。借用一位朋友的话：如果有不如意那只是暂时的，一切最终都会好的。

          This March marked the third anniversary since my mother and grandmother passed away. I still decided to pause to memorialize them when I was pressed so much by time. The pandemic in the U.S. had eased. Yet so many people in the U.S. and around the world had lost their loved ones, sometimes several ones at short intervals. I hope my memory of mother and grandmother could help them somehow, even just a little when their lives were turned upside down.

          Mother and grandmother were both selfless, dedicated to the wellbeing of the society and family. Grandmother experienced wars when she was young and thus had a huge heart. Mother was devoted to working for others when she was young and never changed her heart on that in elderly years. Since I wrote about grandmother’s educational motto last year, I would like to record mother’s this year. 

          Mother was my first English teacher. She invited my friends to learn English with me in her extracurricular class. I still remember vividly the joy playing with my friends as well as the embarrassment I felt lagging behind them in the English class. I dreaded the most to hear mother say, “Let’s talk.” Mother’s soft spoken voice laying out my problems often forced me to acknowledge her point and work harder. Sometimes I would argue with her from a child’s perspective. Mother was always patient to listen to me and corrected accordingly her information about me and feedback on my situations. I learned about mother’s reputation among students. Students would begin to behave when they knew the vice principal Madam Zhang was around. I knew mother read many adolescent psychology books for her administrative work while kept her teaching.        

          In my adulthood, mother’s health had always been poor. The only quarrel between us gave me the opportunity to understand her vulnerability and feel for her. But mother had never failed to be my role model. I mentioned earlier Professor Lili Wang introduced me to environmental protection cause which mother echoed strong support for. I remember the day when I walked with mother to a newly built fish pond outside our residential neighborhood. A few gold fish were briskly swimming in the pond. Suddenly a teenage boy began to grab the fish. Mother rushed to stop him and lectured him the importance of environmental protection. I was a little worried about mother but felt tremendous respect for her.  

          In this early spring, a new layer of greenness began to cover the mountains and many elks ate hay comfortably over the snowy hills. I felt more hopes for the coming year than ever. I also hoped the disastrous freeze would never visit again and mother and grandmother were smiling on my efforts after their models. As a friend said, “All’s well that ends well. If it is not well, it is not the end.”

 

冬日暖阳

两天前我开着车从Yakima Canyon回来，金黄色的夕阳照在我的脸上，车里温暖明亮。我忍不住侧头看着太阳对它微笑，回转头轻轻搭在它的手背上：那里是所有生命的来源。

The Warm Sun on a Winter Afternoon

I drove back from Yakima Canyon in the golden setting sun two days ago. It was warm and bright inside. I could not help turning my head to smile to the sun. Then I sat my head on its hand of rays, thinking: really, the sun is the origin of all life.  

 公民社会

又到了一月一记的时间。不过几天前读到现在盼着2022年的到来，不禁笑了起来。是呀，坏消息接连不断，总是跟死亡有关，而且似乎死亡近在身边。这也不假。疫情，暴力，自然灾害，战争，不一而足。因着这些死亡因子，善举和更广意义上的公民社会时时提醒着我们什么才是生存之道。助人助己吧，社会学讲。

附上我的网站，有我的履历、任职的职业协会以及在做的工作和研究。敬请关注。如果点击打不开，可以粘贴链接。

https://cynthiazhang7.wixsite.com/baiqing/projects 

Civil Society

          It is time for another monthly post in memory. I could not help laughing several days ago when I read the arrival of the year 2022 should speed up. Yes, there are endless bad news on the shadow of death threatening everyone: Covid, violence, natural disasters, wars, and so on. Because of these causes of death, kindness in assistance to others and civil society in a broad sense remind us what is supposed to be the way of survival. The reason is simple, help is mutual according to sociology.

          The following is my website with my resume, associations I work for, and my research and activities. Please read and advertise. If you cannot open the link, please copy and paste it into browser. 

https://cynthiazhang7.wixsite.com/baiqing/projects